Randomness with the Cullens
by ALICE-MARIE-HALE
Summary: What happens when the Cullen's and my imagination get bored? Total chaos! That's what! Karaoke, Pranks, Llama Suits and for some strange reason a can canning poodle...
1. Dresses

I hummed the tune Alice had helped me come up with as I wrote down the finishing touches to my song. Suddenly I heard the doorbell ring. Knowing it would be Alice I shoved the piece of paper I was writing on into my jacket pocket and raced down the stairs two at a time. I tripped down the last one and closed my eyes, waiting for impact. Instead I felt two icy arms catch me. I looked up to see Alice's concerned gold eyes peering down at me. "Bella, are you okay?" she asked me, setting me back onto my feet. "Yup" I said, popping the 'P'. "You've got the words and everything ready? Omigosh, Edward is going to soooo surprised!" I shook my head in disbelief at how hyped up she was about this karaoke night; but then I remembered Edward was coming back from his hunting trip tonight and perked up a little. "Yeah, it's all ready, but I think I need a bit of help finishing the music." "Okey-dokey, let's go!" and then- without warning- I was lifted off the ground and was in my bedroom a split second later. "I can walk you know!" I grumbled as I tried to find the sheet music. "I swear it was here a minute ago..." Alice just laughed that bell-like laugh of hers and stuck her head into my wardrobe. "I 'spose you want to see the outfit I'm wearing tonight?" I asked. "How did you know?" she replied, beaming. I rolled my eyes and pulled out the simple navy-blue long sleeved dress I had selected. I thought it would please her, but obviously I thought wrong. She screwed up her nose in distaste and started rummaging through the wardrobe looking for something 'acceptable'.

Finally she came up. "Voila!" she said, holding out a blue dress Renee had sent me for my last birthday. It was the royal blue that Edward liked on me so much and was made out of a very light material. It was very pretty but just not _me._ Seeing the NO on my face Alice turned on the 'puppy dog eyes' and began our usual routine when it came to clothes. "Bella, please Bella!"

"NO"

"aww, come on, You'll look so pretty!"

"Well, in hat case… NO!"

"Look bells, we both know who's going to win this, so just get it over with now to save yourself the embarrassment."

"No, prove it!"

Alice tried to make her eyes look glazed and distant, and after a few seconds looked at me grinning.

"I won, are you going to give up yet?"

"Oh c'mon, not even NEWTON is that gullible, give me some credit here!"

Alice sighed and a sad expression crossed her face. "I really, _really_ wish it didn't have to come to this… awc'monBella,you'lllooks pretty!AndEdwardlovesthiscolouronyou!PleasebellesPUH'LEASE?i'llbeeternallygratefull(nojokesthere)andyouhavetolookgoodcozyou'llwinthisandhaveyou'rephototakenpleaseBelladoitforme!forEdward!forthemuttifyoureallywant!c'?puh'lease,c'mon…

"Oh, alright already! I'll try the thing on if it'll keep you happy! But I'm not saying I'll wear it to karaoke tonight!"

Grumbling I went into the bathroom and tried it on. I checked it out n the mirror. I was actually quite nice. Flattering, but not _too_ flattering, and with the right make-up- which I'm sure Alice has- this could actually work…

I went back out and said "You win". Alice smiled an evil smile of accomplishment and said "Good, 'cause I've finished the music, and we need to get ready to rumble!"

After an endless half hour of make-up and jewellery, Alice finally led me down the stairs. We stood on the lawn for a while, waiting for Edward to pick us up, when suddenly, Alice pushed me forward, and I fell forward. Certain I was going to land face-first on the road, I closed my eyes and went into impact mode. When I finally landed, it definitely wasn't on the road. It was extremely hard, but not the road. I opened my eyes and saw the most beautiful thing alive. My Edward.


	2. Karaoke

**Hi guys, sorry about absence of A/N etc. in previous chappy, as you can plainly see, this is my first fanfic. Oh yeah, and sorry for short Chappie, they're gonna get longer, I promise**** …**

**R&E&R (read, enjoy, review ********)**

**Disclaimer: I own Twilight, and my brother is Charles Dickens… **

_We stood on the lawn for a while, waiting for Edward to pick us up, when suddenly, Alice pushed me forward, and I fell forward. Certain I was going to land face-first on the road, I closed my eyes and went into impact mode. When I finally landed, it definitely wasn't on the road. It was extremely hard, but not the road. I opened my eyes and saw the most beautiful thing alive. My Edward._

"Are you okay love?" asked my Greek God. All I could do was breathe in his wonderful scent. He said something angrily to Alice, but it was too low for me to hear. "God Eddy-Poo, she's fine I knew she would be, remember?" Alice replied, tapping her head to show she had had a vision. Edward rolled his eyes and returned his focus to me. "Bella, ARE YOU OKAY?" He asked, staring intently at me. "Yeah, just a little dazzled" I breathed. He chuckled and moved me over to the passengers' seat.

Soon we were speeding toward the school for school Karaoke Night. I wasn't going to go, but then while Alice was 'babysitting me' so Edward could have a well deserved hunt, she overheard me singing and insisted I went. I wasn't too sure. As the school loomed closer I smiled. Edward was going to be blown away when he heard the song I had written for him.

"Yo Peoplez! I'm your DJ for tonight E-dog Yorkie! Now, here's how we roll tonight; I'll call you out when it's your turn to sing, and you choose the song from this device here." Said Eric to the laughter of many students, pointing at the karaoke machine. "Or you old-fashioned hombres can get someone to play that for you." He continued, pointing toward the Grand Piano. This opened up a whole new world of problems for me. I figured they would have hired someone to play the piano, not make you get someone to play it for you. I definitely wouldn't find the music to my song on the karaoke machine and the only person I knew who could play piano well enough to play my song was Edward. I stood there in his arms and thought while Yorkie continued to blab on about unimportant things. I definitely couldn't get him to play, the words were written on the music sheet, so it would spoil the surprise. Then a light bulb went off in my brain.

"Jessica Stanley up you come!" cried Eric. Pretty much all of the grade had already sung, but his particular name piqued my curiosity. Jessica practically ran up onto the stage and selected her song. The all too familiar song blared out of the speakers. And then, in a horrible, chalky voice, Jess started to sing.

Oh, baby dolls

I know you like me (I know you like me)  
I know you do (I know you do)  
Thats why whenever I come around shes all over you  
And I know you want it (I know you want it)  
It's easy to see (it's easy to see)  
And in the back of your mind  
I know you should be home with me

Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Dont cha, dont cha  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Dont cha, dont cha

Fight the feeling (fight the feeling)  
Leave it alone (leave it alone)  
Cause if it aint love  
It just aint enough to leave a happy home  
Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly)  
You have to play fair (you have to play fair)  
See, I dont care  
But I know she aint gon' wanna share

Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Dont cha, dont cha , baby  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Dont cha, dont cha

I know I'm on your mind  
I know we'll have a good time  
I'm your friend  
I'm fun  
And I'm fine  
I aint lying  
Look at me, you aint blind

See, I know she loves you (I know she loves you)  
I understand (I understand)  
I'd probably be just as crazy about you  
If you were my own man  
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)  
Possibly (possibly)  
Until then, Oh friend your'e secret is safe with me

Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Dont cha, dont cha  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Dont cha, dont cha

Jessica obviously was attempting to make the song seem anonymous, but it was pretty obvious that she was singing it to Edward. _My _Edward. I heard a snarl behind me.

"Um… Okay, thank-you Jess, Now, taking the floor we have Rosalie Cullen!"

Rosalie swaned up onto the stage and took her time selecting a song. In her perfect voice she began singing.

Boys call you sexy  
And you don't care  
What they say  
See every time  
You turn around  
You saying my name  
Just call you sexy  
And you don't care  
What they say  
See everytime  
You turn around  
You screaming  
My name

Now  
I got a confession  
(Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)  
When I was young  
I wanted attention  
(Haha, ha, ha ha)  
And I promised myself  
That I'd do anything  
(Haha, ha, ha ha)  
Anything to get men  
To notice me  
(Haha, ha, ha ha)

But  
I ain't complaining  
We all wanna be famous  
So go ahead and say  
What you wanna say  
You know  
What it's like  
To be famous  
When everybody know  
What your name is  
Cause see  
When I was younger  
I would say

When I grow up  
I wanna be famous  
I wanna be a star  
I wanna be in movies  
When I grow up  
I wanna see the world  
Drive nice cars  
I wanna have boobies  
When I grow up  
I wanna see me  
Me on TV  
People know me  
Be on magazines  
When I grow up  
Fresh and clean  
Number one chick  
Wanna step out  
On the scene

But be careful  
What you wish for cause  
You just might get it  
But be careful  
What you wish for cause  
You just might get it

They used to tell me  
I was fooling,  
Until I popped up  
On the TV  
(La, la, la, la, la)  
I always wanted  
To be a superstar  
Who knew singing songs  
Would get me this far  
(La, la, la, la, la)

But I ain't complaining  
We all wanna be famous  
So go ahead and say  
What you wanna say  
You know what it's like  
To be famous  
When everybody know  
What your name is  
Cause see  
When I was younger  
I would say

When I grow up  
I wanna be famous  
I wanna be a star  
I wanna be in movies  
When I grow up  
I wanna see the world  
Drive nice cars  
I wanna have boobies  
When I grow up  
I wanna see me  
Me on TV  
People know me  
Be on magazines  
When I grow up  
Fresh and clean  
Number one chick  
Wanna step out  
On the scene

But be careful  
What you wish for cause  
You just might get it  
But be careful  
What you wish for cause  
You just might get it

Yes  
I'm astounding me  
I'm a trend setter  
Yes, this is true  
Cause what I do  
No one can do it better  
You can talk about me  
Cause  
I'm a hot topic  
I see you  
Watchin' me, watchin' me  
And I know you want it

But be careful  
What you wish for cause  
You just might get it  
But be careful  
What you wish for cause  
You just might get it

When I grow up  
I wanna be famous  
I wanna be a star  
I wanna be in movies  
When I grow up  
I wanna see the world  
Drive nice cars  
I wanna have boobies  
When I grow up  
I wanna see me  
Me on TV  
People know me  
Be on magazines  
When I grow up  
Fresh and clean  
Number one chick  
Wanna step out  
On the scene

But be careful  
What you wish for cause  
You just might get it  
But be careful  
What you wish for cause  
You just might get it  
Yeah

The applause for that song was deafening.

"Wow, so next we have uh, Mike Newton…"

Mike stepped onto the stage and began his song. He sung it without the music and his screechy voice made it almost impossible to tell what he was singing. After the first verse Emmet came on with some giant cane that was obviously used as a prop for a school play, hooked it around Mike's neck and dragged him off.

Okay, umm... No comment... Next up we have... Alice Cullen!"

Alice grinned an evil grin and went up on stage. She selected her song and began to sing

"I'm a Barbie Girl

In a barie world

My skin is plastic

It's Fantastic!

You can brush my hair

And dress me everywhere

Imagination

Life is you creation.

"I'm a Vampire Girl

In a fictional world

I ain't spastic

It's Fantastic!

You can brush my hair

And dress me everywhere

Imagination

My life ain't your creation!

I'm a pale

Un-single girl

in a vampire world

I can walk

I can talk

This ain't no folly"

Then she pointed at Mike

"Ewwew" she sang

This got the auditorium craking up. And with that she bowed and leapt off the stage.

Eric came back on laughing his head off. "Well said Alice, well said. Okay, now, up onto the stage can we have Angela Weber!"

Angela slowly made her way up onto the stage and sifted through a lot of songs before choosing one. I recognized the tune but I wasn't sure where from

" I was the king of the swinger zone

the jungle VIP

but I've reached the top

and had to stop

and that's what's botherin' me

I wanna be a girl in make-up

And stroll right into town,

And be just like the other girls, I'm tired of mucking around!

Sing it

Oh, monkey-doo

I wanna be like you

I wanna walk like you

Talk like you

Too

Yeah see it's true,

Someone like me

Can learn to be

Human too.

Now don't try to kid me Memcolm

I, made a deal with you

What I desire is a girls refire

So I can be like you!

Sing it

Oh, monkey-doo

I wanna be like you

I wanna walk like you

Talk like you

Too

Yeah see it's true,

Someone like me

Can learn to be

Human too."

Angela was an okay singer, but I'd definitely heard better. As soon as she was back in her seat, Jasper was called up.

"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands

If you're happy and you know it

Then you really oughta show it

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands"

I looked up at Edward quizzically. He whispered down to me. "Everyone is feeling hyped up and exited, so Jasper is feeling everyone's hyperness."

"Ohh."

"If you're happy and you know it do a backflip

If you're happy and you know it do a backflip

If you're happy and you know it then you really oughta show it

If you're happy and you know it do a backflip

If you're happy and you know it hit Edward on the head

If you're happy and you know it hit Edward on the head

If you're happy and you know it then you really oughta show it

If you're happy and you know it hit Edward on the head."

I laughed and bonked Edward on the head lightly and then kissed him on the lips.

"Hey! I said hit him on the head, not kiss him!" Jasper exclaimed pointing at me. I chuckled and he stormed off the stage. Eric came back on staring at him strangely.

"Ookkaayyy…" An awkward silence hung in the air. "Next up, could we please have – Edward Cullen!" My angel gave one last peck on the cheek before heading onto the stage.

He sat down on the piano stool and began to play a soft melody.

I give her all my love  
That's all I do  
And if you saw my love  
You'd love her too  
I love her

She gives me ev'rything  
And tenderly  
The kiss my lover brings  
She brings to me  
And I love her

A love like ours  
Could never die  
As long as I  
Have you near me

Bright are the stars that shine  
Dark is the sky  
I know this love of mine  
Will never die  
And I love her

Bright are the stars that shine  
Dark is the sky  
I know this love of mine  
Will never die  
And I love her

I recognized the song. It was 'And I Love Her' by the beetles. It had been on the radio a few days ago. He came back down from the stage and kissed me on the lips. Suddenly I heard my name. "Next up we have… Isabella –opps, sorry- Bella Swan!" I gulped. It was time to see if my plan would actually work. I whispered in Edwards ear "Love, I need you to play the piano for me." He smiled my favorite crooked smile and came onto stage with me. Once again I whispered in his ear. "When I give you the signal play my lullaby." It was _his_ turn to look at _me_ quizzically; but I just smiled and went over to the microphone. "Okay, umm, before we start, I'm just going to say that I had some different music prepared, and I only switched to this piece, like, literally five seconds age; so if it sounds strange I apologize." Then I gave my Greek God the thumbs up. The light tune of melody started. I slowly counted to ten in my head and then started.

"Before you came into my world,

The fire engulfed me in its flames.

But then I saw your perfect face.

And my world just seemed to freeze

Right then right there.

The mist blew off the water

I can see clearer the closer you are

So

Hold me,

Hold me Close Hold me tight,

So baby,

I can know this ain't a dream.

You're the man of fairytales

So I hope this ain't a fantasy.

The first time you touched me

It seemed to freeze my heart;

Little did I know

I made yours beat again.

When you hold me

It sends me a shiverin'

And when we kiss

It sends tingles down my spine.

So

Hold me,

Hold me Close Hold me tight,

So baby,

I can know this ain't a dream.

You're the man of fairytales

So I hope this ain't a fantasy.

We've got Forever and Eternity

'Till the day the flames come.

But forever isn't long enough

To

Be

With

You.

So

Hold me,

Hold me Close Hold me tight,

So baby,

I can know this ain't a dream.

You're the man of fairytales

So I hope this ain't a fantasy.

C'mon Baby,

I wanna feel your arms around me.

C'mon baby,

I wanna feel your ice-cold lips against mine

C'mon baby,

I wanna feel your fingers in my hair.

You say I'm crazy to love you,

But I know the secret behind your eyes.

So

Hold me,

Hold me Close Hold me tight,

So baby,

Hold me,

Hold me Close Hold me tight,

So baby,

I can know this ain't a dream.

You're the man of fairytales

So I hope this ain't a fantasy."

And with that the song ended. There was a small moment of silence before the ear-splitting applause began. It was the most thunderous sound I had heard coming from the students, it was even louder than it was for Rosalie. Suddenly I was aware of Edward standing next to me. He pulled me into the most passionate kiss he had ever given me; and I can tell you now, I did not object.

After the applause had ended, Eric called on Emmett. He came onto the stage and for a moment I didn't recognize him. He was wearing dark sunnies and had his hair gelled back into an Elvis style **(A/N I will try and get a pic on my profile) **It was then that I guessed what he was going to sing.

I had guessed right, and in an incredibly good impersonation of Elvis, he started to sing.

A little less conversation, a little more action please  
All this aggravation aint satisfactioning me  
A little more bite and a little less bark  
A little less fight and a little more spark  
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me  
Satisfy me baby

Baby close your eyes and listen to the music  
Drifting through a summer breeze  
Its a groovy night and I can show you how to use it  
Come along with me and put your mind at ease 

It was then that the lights exploded, sparks and electricity flew everywhere, making a lot of smoke, but luckily no fire. Emmett, being typical Emmett was running around the stage yelling "Fireworks for the Em-ister! Yeeeewwww!" I heard Rosalie yell out "Emmett McCarty Cullen! Get yourself down here before you get killed!"

"But I can't get killed; I'm a vampi- oh, yeah, right!" And then he jumped off the stage and ran out of the hall, screaming like a little girl.

**Extra Super Bonus Disclaimer: I own none of the songs except Bella's, which I wrote myself.**


	3. Daddy

**Hi guys, sorry 'bout last chappie being posted twice, but I think it's fixed now.**

It was a week after the karaoke fiasco, and I was staying overnight at the Cullen house (Charlie thought Edward was hiking). Carlisle was at work and Esme was shopping for pot plants. The rest of us were all bored and watching Emmett play the Wii. Edward pulled me onto his lap and kissed the top of my head. After loosing tennis for 6th time; Emmett suddenly threw down the remote and started jumping up and down.

We all stared at him until Alice slipped into a vision and came out saying "That's a great idea!" We all turned our heads to stare at her now. "We are going to prank Carlisle. Just wait 'till Esme gets here in 5…4…3…2…1!" As always, Alice was right and Esme walked into the room holding her new plants and humming to herself. "Esme, I'm going to make you a deal. If you'll help us prank Carlisle, Jasper and I won't ruin these plants." 'Wow'. I thought. 'I never knew Emmett could be so diabolical.'

_Later_

_CPOV_

I shook the snow off my coat before coming inside and hanging it up in the cupboard. I walked into the kitchen to greet my beloved wife, who was always in the kitchen making food for Bella. I swear that woman made more food than La ésoque (a French restaurant in Port Angeles). Sure enough, there she was, bustling around baking _something _with Emmett and Alice watching her. "Hello everyone" I said, putting an arm around Esme's waist. "Hello Daddy!" Emmett said. I stared at him quizzically. He returned his attention to Esme. "Mummy, when will my cookies be ready?"

"Soon dear, soon" I just shook I all off as Emmett being, well, Emmett. But Alice was a whole different story…

"_**DADDY'S HOME! YAY!" **_ She jumped on my back and started screaming _**" Horsie ride daddy! Horsie riiide!" **_ After about ten minutes of this, I reluctantly did a few laps of the house with her on my back. I felt a bit delusional and I could hear blood pulsing through veils and hearts beating ringing in my ears. It reminded me of m early days as a vampire and the uncontrollable blood-lust. I needed some sanity. "Where is everyone else?" I asked my darling wife. "Edward and Bella are in their room, Rosalie is in hers, although I don't think you should disturb her."

"And what about Jasper?"

"Carlisle? Are you feeling alright? Jaspers been gone almost a year now."

I stared at her open mouthed. "Don't you remember anything? Tanya?, the anti-depressants for Rosalie? Nothing at all?"

"Why would Rosalie need anti-depressants because Jasper left?"

"Well he WAS her mate. I honestly can't believe he would run off with Tanya like that…"

"Hold it – Jasper _Rosalie's _mate? Isn't he Alices?"

"Alice? Oh dear no! Are your _sure _you are okay?"

"Mmm… just a bit tired I s'pose" I mumbled. Then I realized what I had said. A little bit _tired?_ I shook my head in a false attempt to be rid of the fake bloodlust.

I decided to visit Edward and Bella; surely THEY would be as I remembered.

I knocked on the door, and after I got no reply; I just figured it would be safe to come in. When I opened the door I saw them kissing in a way that up until then I had thought he would he kiss her in until she was a vampire. Then I noticed something about Bella. She was pale. Very pale. And was _shimmering _in the sunlight that that was coming through Edward's giant window. Suddenly she broke him off and came up to the door. "Oh, hi, umm... Dad." I looked into her eyes. The were _gold._ I listened for a heartbeat. I couldn't hear one. In fact, I couldn't hear much of anything. And with that, she closed the door in my face. I stood there opening and closing my mouth like a fish. Esme came flying up the stairs to look at me. "What's wrong?" she asked, with genuine concern in her voice. "Bella…been… changed?" she looked at me worriedly.

"Yes, don't your remember that either? Edward let her drive the Volvo, but she crashed it and it was too late for Edward to do anything so he bit her. It was just before Jasper left."

I looked at her, feeling extremely distressed. "If you don't believe me look out the window". I ran to the end of the hall faster than even Edward could and peered through the window hat was overlooking the back-yard. Sure enough; in a tangled mess, was the Volvo.

I started shaking violently (which I didn't even think possible) and Esme came and put a hand on my back. "Come downstairs and have a warm drink with Rose." I nodded. If this was some sort of twisted prank they were playing on me, I knew I could count on Rosalie not to be in on it. She never went with this sort of stuff.

Esme gave me some elk blood that she had somehow heated up and told me where to find Rosalie. I stepped into the lounge room and nearly screamed. Rosalie's old, beautiful, blonde hair was died black and her usual, pink, flirty clothes had become long black and grey pieces. Then she looked at me and I realised her eyes were _red. _That time I actually did scream.

The whole 'family' – minus Jasper- came running. "Whoa, calm down Carl-dog!" said Emmett. "Yes, honey, don't worry, it was just a prank.' Said my beautiful Esme, rubbing my back. Rosalie murmured in agreement and took out some red coloured contacts she'd been wearing. "Bella?" I asked. She started rubbing at her face with her t-shirt (which caused Alice to hiss) and took out the contacts _she'd _been wearing. "The Volvo?"

Edward ran outside and came back with a very life-like decoy they had used. I took in a final deep breath. "And Jasper?" Suddenly Jasper came out of the kitchen pantry and smiled a sheepish smile. "Sorry I had to do that to 'ya ol' man, but the prank wouldn't work if I didn't mess with your emotions." I sighed in relief. "Carlisle, can I have a horsie ride too?" Emmett asked. "Ummm… Emmett the prank is over…"

"I know, I just want a horsie ride!"

**Hi guys, sorry I haven't been able to update that often, but I've got the whole school/ homework / Siblings hogging the computer load. I'll try to update at least twice a week. Anyways, I'm having a competition. Whoever reviews the most between now and the 23****rd**** will be put in my special Chrissie chapter/s! But they have to genuine reviews, with ideas, tips etc. not just 'Hi'**

**ILY**

**AMH (ALICE-MARIE-HALE) ** __


	4. Le Poodle

**Yay! A pink poodle! **

**Disclaimer: I own the characters from twilight. Not the real ones. The slightly disturbed ones in my mind ********…**

It was a heavily raining Saturday, the perfect day for the Cullens. I looked out the foggy window as Edward pulled up the gravelled drive. He swept me up into his arms and ran me inside so I wouldn't get wet. He set me on the couch just as Alice danced into the room. "Ah, good, everyone is here!" She exclaimed, checking to make sure that all vampires (And humans) were in attendance. Then she walked over to the giant wide-screen TV and pushed in a DVD. "Ladies, Gentlemen and Emmett; welcome to the first official Cullen movie night!" And with that she pressed **play**.

The movie was called 'Beverly Hills Chihuahua' and it was okay, but a bit little kiddie. **(A/N No offence there, I haven't actually seen B H C, so it could be good, this is just my assumption)** Suddenly Alice burst out laughing, and a few seconds later so did Edward. "Edward, Alice, what's so funny?" I asked. "You'll see!" said Alice between giggles. Edward scooped me up and took me out to the car again. He drove me to the Quillette borderline and told me to go visit Jacob and that he would be waiting in the car for me. I kissed him and did as I was told.

As I rang the doorbell I wondered what involving Jacob Edward would find so funny. I was interrupted from my thoughts by Jacob's voice. "Oh, hi Bells. I s'pose the pixie has seen it already… Awell, come on in." I followed him into the lounge room were Quil and Jared were sitting laughing their heads of. On the couch sat Embry; who was cradling the most ridiculous poodle I have ever seen. It was one of those ones that are completely shaved except for its head, feet and the tip of its tail. The remaining fur was died pink. It was the most comical thing I have ever seen. "Hey there Vampire girl! Ignore those jerks, I know you won't laugh." Said Embry

"About what?"

"Meet Semele, my one and only love, my imprintee."

I couldn't help it; I burst out laughing. 'You… imprinted…on…a…poodle?"

"Hey, don't laugh! She is very talented you know!" He placed the dog on the floor and signalled to Jacob, who went and turned his old CD player on.

Semele rose up onto her hind legs and started to kick tem, in some sort of weird Cancan. Then Embry got down on all fours next to her and together they started to do a weird sort of tango. Suddenly the song changed to a more familiar tune. I couldn't help myself. I started to sing

"You put your left arm in

You put your left arm out

You put your left arm in

And you shake it all about

You do the Hokey Pokey

And you turn around

And that's what it's all about!" Semele was following the songs every instructions and I couldn't help myself. I burst out laughing.

Back at the Cullen mansion I explained everything to every that wasn't Alice or Edward, who had already seen it. I felt the house shake as seven vampires **(Incl. Carlisle &Esme) **laughed at the top of their lungs. "That mutt is sooo stupid!" gasped Emmett. "Now, be fair Emmett" I said. "They can't choose who they imprint on. Or are you talking about Semele, 'coz she's pretty smart for a dog."

"No, I'm talking about Jacob; he has a CD with the hokey pokey on it!"

**Hope you all enjoyed, remember he competition, I've already got a fair few reviews. I'll try to put another chappie on but I need more inspiration, so in your reviews give me ideas. **

**LUA (Luv u all)**

**AMH**


	5. Hypo

**Thanks for all the fantabulous reviews! 3****rd**** chappie today… I'm a rolling stone!!! (Sorry, sugar rush…)**

"Ah, 'Ello zere moi lovely Eddie kinz. Long time no zee, eh?" I said in my most awesomenesst accent. "Bella love, are you okay?"

"Hmm… very provound queztion zere Eddy-poo. Why, I anyone at all alright? Wiz war and sugar deprivation and starvingness and sugar deprivation!" My lovely Eddie-weddie looked at me sideways. "Okay… look, I'm sorry love, but I haven't hunted in a while. I'm going to Italy with Jasper."

"Le gasp! No, don't do it again Ed! I can change! I cannot live wizout you! Don't go to zee Volturi!"

"No, no, of course not my lovely , beautiful Bella! We are hunting! Jasper's craving Black swans; apparently only Italian ones will do…"

"Le double gasp! Eddie, don't let him eat me!"

"What do you mean, he doesn't want to eat you anymore, remember, he's very sorry about last time."

"Yes, yes, but he is craving _swan_ my last name, and it has to be _Italian _and Bella is Italian!"

"No Bella, he's craving the animal, now come with me, we need to find Alice, she's looking after you 'till I get back."

He lead my through the maze that is his house up to Alice's room where she was trying on different outfits. He kissed me and said. "I will be back tomorrow my angel"

"Ah, but you zee, I am not an angel, nor am I your property dear Edward, but a very nize zentiment all zee same!" HE shook his head worriedly but then Jazz-hands called him and he had to go.

"So Bells, what do you think looks better; the blue…" Alice held a blue t-shirt to her chest. "Or the green?" she did the same with a green one.

"Ack!" I screamed. "Ze Leprechauns!"

"Huh? What leprechauns?" Alice asked

**3****rd**** PersonPOV **

Bella proceeded to sprint out the door and all through the Cullen household, muttering to herself "Lemurs, leprechauns CHICKENS RIDING UNICORNS!" Alice, who was quite shocked by this out burst, let her run around for a few minutes before grabbing her by the arm and saying "What Lemurs? What Leprechauns and why on earth would a chicken ride a unicorn?"

"WHY ze evil Leprechauns are going to eat the lemurz, and ze only thing zat can save us now are the magical chickens riding their non-magical unicorns!"

Alice blinked several times and then whipped out her phone.

**APOV**

Bella was starting to get freaky. I needed to talk to Edward NOW. As the stupid dial tone went on, and on, and on, I slipped into a vision.

"_Okay, the only person I know who has a mad scientist __teddy bear costume is __**EMMET!**_**"**

_Said Edward. Emmet appeared at the top of the staircase. "Umm, yeah?"_

"_Get ready to have your but kicked!"_

"Alice? Helloooo? Alice?" came the voice of my sort-of brother.

"Oh, hi Edward, umm… Bella's being weird, something about chickens lemurs and leprechauns. I think you should come back and calm her down. Oh, and bring Emmett… I've got a sneaking suspicion you'll want him…" and with that I hung up.

I sent the next half hour trying to calm Bella down whilst I waited for Edward to return. Suddenly the door burst open, and Edward ran in, with a reluctant Emmett behind him. When Emmett saw Bella jumping up and downm like a lunatic and raving on and on about magical chickens, he broke out in sweat **(Can vampires do that?) **and raced up stairs. Meanwhile, Edward had been trying to regain Bella's sanity, but to no prevail.

"See? I told you she was crazy" I remarked.

"I'm not crazy you are! You have LOTS of sugar and you don't eat it! Don't worry though, the mad scientist teddy bear and I ated it all so you wouldn't be sent to the aliceum (alyssum)"

"Okay, the only person I know who has a mad scientist teddy bear costume is **EMMET!"**

Said Edward. Emmet appeared at the top of the staircase. "Umm, yeah?"

"Get ready to have your but kicked!"


	6. Truth or Dare like in every story

**Yes, I know this has been done **_**thousands**_** of times before, but I'm a bit stuck for inspiration, so, yeah…**

"Truth or Dare, Truth or Dare!" Emmett chanted as he did some sort of weird scuttling dance around Edwards's bedroom. "Look Emmet, if it'll shut you up I'll play!" I eventually shouted. "I will to, if you promise not to hurt Bella." Edward added.

Emmett ruffled my hair. "If I was going to hurt Bells, I wouldn't have spent half an hour to try and get you to play a game. I just would've hurt her." Edward glared at him, but, reluctantly took me down to the lounge room where everyone was waiting for the game to start. Even Carlisle and Esme.

"I'm starting!" Shouted Alice. We all just nodded. "Okay, umm… Emmett, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare of course, I ain't a chicken" He looked at me as he said this. "Okay, I dare you to dress up in Jaspers llama suit and ask the principal out on a date."

"Jasper has a llama suit?"

"Of course Bells, we all have one; didn't Edward tell you?"

"No, but I don't think I really want to know."

"Okay, well; to the car!" I turned around and saw the Emmett had already gotten into the llama suit. I couldn't help it; I burst out laughing. I could see now why Alice had him get in Jaspers suit. The faux fur had been dyed pink and had ribbons entwined all through it (probably Alice's doing) and because of Jaspers tall, lanky size; and Emmett's musclier one, it made Emmet look incredibly fat.

We pulled up in front of the principal's house, and everyone who wasn't Emmett hid to watch the action. I heard Alice turn on her camcorder. Emmett gulped and walked up to the door. Before he even rang the doorbell an unfamiliar woman came and answered it. She looked taken aback but then yelled "Umm… I think you better come see this!" She disappeared into the house and our school principal came up to the door. "Is that you…Emmett…Cullen?" Even without super-vampire powers I knew that Emmett was sweating. "No, uh… My name is Eullen Cemmett. Yeah, Ellen Cemmentt!" This principal rolled his eyes. "Yeah, so I uh, think you're hot, and I wanted to know if you'd like, go out with me?"

"Emmett Cullen!" The principal yelled. Then he lowered his voice to a whisper. "I am a married man! Take this not home to your parents! And I suggest you read it first!" And with that, he wrote out a note, handed it to Emmett, and slammed the door.

Emmett read the note whilst driving us home (which I found extremely unnerving) and he suddenly started hooting with laughter; and Edward joined in after reading his thoughts.

"He…gave…me…his…phone…number!" And that started everyone laughing.

"Okay, Bells, truth or dare?"

"Umm… It's probably a bad idea, but, dare?"

"Okay then! Good! I dare you to run around the house three times in the pouring rain."

I looked outside and noticed that it was pouring. I sighed and stepped outside. I heard Emmett say "whoa there Eddy-kinz, this is something she's doing on her own." I made it

¾ of the way around before I came to a problem. One side of the house had a thicket of trees next to it and the only way past was to go straight through. I jogged slowly through them and then soon realized that it wasn't a thicket, but more like a forest. And I was completely lost. After a while of wandering I came to some powerlines. I remembered from the girl guides courses that mum made me do that if you are lost and see powerlines

that they can help you find your way back. I sat down on a wet stone and tried to remember how. Suddenly one of the power poles got struck by lightning and fell down right in front of me. I screamed. Before I could get my breath back I was in Edwards arms and being kissed. When we broke away (to soon again) I said "Uh, Edward, I think we should move before hat river overflows…"

**Sorry 'bout it being short, but you did get 3 chapters yesterday ****so you shouldn't feel too deprived…**

**Remember the review competition. I have someone who is outstandingly in he lead at the moment, so you better getting cracking if you want to win the ultimate prize!!!! BWAHAHAHA!**

**(Sorry, still a little sugar-high ******** )**

**ILY**

**AMH **


	7. Emmett is stuipid

**Very y short but I've been inspired by a better idea! Thanks for the Awesomtastic reviews!**

**Disclaimer: Let us ponder something for a moment… If I really owned Twilight, why would I be writing about them play truth or dare instead of working on Midnight Sun hmmm…**

**(I'm pretty teed off at the fact it's not being published ): )**

**EPOV**

"Edward you have to drive me home before we're flooded in!" My angel panicked.

"I'm sorry love, but most of Forks is already flooded, looks like you're stuck with me for awhile." She grinned on stood on her tip-toes to peck me on the nose. "You know Bella; you didn't actually finish your dare…" That was Emmett. "So you're going to have to do the punishment"

"Okay, what is it?"

"The one we always do here at the Cullen house! You have to eat human food!" I only jus managed to keep a straight face as Bella went into the kitchen and got an apple. She polished it of fairly quickly for a human and handed the core to Emmett.

"How do you do that?"

Non-one bothered to answer him.


	8. Sorry X,C

**Hi Guys!**

**Totally sorry I stopped updating X,C**

But I have started a new FanFic (its not up yet) called Elizabeth, and its about the life of Edwards mother. It's not a comedy, but you may enjoy it.

If you awesometastic people review the current story with some ideas fro chapters though, I will continue with it as well

LYA (love you all)

Alice-Marie-Hale

p.s when u review also give me feedback on how to improve so that my story becomes more enjoyable for all 


	9. Power Out

**Hi guys,**

**I got no reviews after the last chappie ;(**

**But because I am not that vindictive, I will write another chapter or so, to give you time to realise I am willing to start the story again **

**Also, sorry that the Christmas story was never posted, but I PROMISE it will be posted this year (sheesh, a whole year, how time flies ;) ) **

**Also, I'm doing another boring thing that everyone does, because I'm stuck, but with a bit of a twist.**

After I had had a shower and was dry and warm enough to keep Edward happy, I walked into the Cullen's lounge room wearing a pair of Alices pyjamas (why someone who never sleeps needs that many pairs of pj's I'll never know) with a towel wrapped around my head.

Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were watching the six o'clock news, Edward was doing the same but was also playing the piano, Esme was cooking something delectable in their designer kitchen while Carlisle paced between the living room and kitchen on the phone and Emmett was on his computer in the corner.

I squeezed on the couch between Alice and Rose, seeing what the day's headlines were. Yokel Ratchet, our local, balding, reporter was standing out the front of the news studio in Forks, and behind him were the floods. I gasped. Up until then, I had never noticed how high the waters were.

"Looks like you'll be staying here a while hey?" grinned Alice.

"Don't worry about Charlie; Carlisle is on the phone to him now."

I relaxed a little there, and went over to see what Esme was cooking, now wanting to disturb Edward from his playing.

She had some Italian music playing softly on the kitchen radio, and was humming along as she tossed a salad. I rolled my eyes, ever since she had enrolled in an Italian cooking class, she had become literally **obsessed**!

"How're the classes going Esme?" I asked casually.

"Oh, wonderfully! I can't believe I never took up cooking classes before now. Although I've never really needed to cook before now…"

As she turned around to get something from the pantry, the lights went out. The music stopped playing and the TV blinked off.

"Awww cheese and whiskers!" Emmet shouted.

"What's up?" replied Rose's voice.

"The powers off! That means I can't keep on IMing with Jacob!"

"Why were you IMing with Jacob in the first place?" piped up Alice.

"Cuz IMing's cool as cheese bro! Wait! I have an idea!"

It was a few seconds before Alice replied "Oh, cool! I just saw what he's planning, and it's gonna be HILARIOUS!"

**Dum dum duumm! Cliffy LOL! Anyway, I don't own Twilight (forgot before) ****and just so you now, as of today I'm a Beta reader **** R&E&R (remember what that is)**

**ILY**

**AMH**


	10. Don't Diss the JakeDude

"Awww cheese and whiskers!" Emmet shouted.

"What's up?" replied Rose's voice.

"The powers off! That means I can't keep on IMing with Jacob!"

"Why were you IMing with Jacob in the first place?" piped up Alice.

"Cuz IMing's cool as cheese bro! Wait! I have an idea!"

It was a few seconds before Alice replied "Oh, cool! I just saw what he's planning, and it's gonna be HILARIOUS!"

Alice danced her way over to the stationary cabinet and grabbed some paper and pens.

She handed everyone a pen and said "okay Emmet, go ahead and explain."

"Well, as you can see, the power has shorted, and I can no longer IM with my beloved Jacob, so we will now IM with each other using paper and pens, so, go ahead and right your pennames!"

"Just one thing" interrupted Edward.

"Why did you just say your beloved Jacob?

**PENnames:**

**Edward – Emmett's beloved **_**Jacob?**_

**Rosalie- StupidJacob**

**Bella – GoEatABannana**

**Emmett- PurplePenandJacob**

**Alice – TarotCards**

**Jasper – QWERTY**

**Esme – Lampshade**

**Carlisle – WhatIsGoingOn?**

WhatIsGoingOn? - So just a minute, why are we writing to each other when we are in the same room? And Esme, what is with Lampshade?

Lampshade- Well to answer your questions, I am lampshade because I just loooove the new lampshade I just bought,

WhatIsGoingOn? - More than Me?

Lampshade – of course not, now stop interrupting me, we are writing to each other on this piece of paper because Emmett is distraught that the computer is no longer working so he can't talk to his, quote, beloved Jacob *snorts*

Emmett's beloved Jacob / QWERTY- *snorts*

PurplePenandJacob - Hey, don't diss the Jake-dude!

StupidJacob - *growls*

PurplePenandJacob - That goes for you to Rose! I find that penname offensive!

StupidJacob- Alright then, I'll change it.

(Rose sits thinking for about all of two milliseconds)

StupidEmmett – There!

PurplePenandJacob – I find that hurtful…

QWERTY- *giggles*

Emmett's beloved _Jacob –_Dude, did you just giggle?

GoEatABananana – I feel left out

TarotCards – Me too Bells, let's start our own convo and ditch these losers!

GoEatABananana- Yeah! (Tries to high-five Alice but hits her on the head instead)

GoEatABananana- Owww

TarotCards- After we get ice for that…

**Bella and Alices Convo.**

GoEatABananana- Sooo…

TarotCards – Sup

GoEatABananana- The roof?

* * *

GoEatABananana – Anyways, whats up with TarotCards?

TarotCards – Well you see, Carot cards are…

GoEatABananana – Ha-ha! LOL ROFL! CarrotCards!!!! *snorts*

TarotCards – TAROT CARDS! I MEANT TAROT CARDS!!!!!

GoEatABananana – I liked you better as CarrotCards *Giggles*

QWERTY - *joins in giggling*

Emmett's beloved _Jacob –_Hey, I thought we got you over your giggling problem?

CarrotCards- Hey!!! Jazz! Edward! Buzz off, this is our convo!!!! X P

QWERTY – X P????

CarrotCards – it's a smiley face poking out its tongue, dummy!

QWERTY – Oh……….

(Edward and Jasper go back to their chat where everyone is still arguing about Jacob)

StupidEmmett- If you love me so much, then why do you insist on keeping that mutt in your penname?

PurplePenandJacob - It's not that I don't love you, it's just that I love Jake more

(Awkward silence (more like awkward lack of people writing things) Shut Up**!)**** A fight with my multiple personalities ;)**

StupidEmmett- What?!?!?!?!?

**Back at Bella and Alices Convo. **

CarrotCards- Wonder whats happening in the other convo with the losers that we ditched?

GoEatABananana- Probably nothing interesting

CarrotCards- Yeah…

GoEatABananana- Anyway, why CarrotCards, I thought it was tarot? Although personally, I like Carrot better but…

CarrotCards- Exactly! And I decided being liked better is more important!

GoEatABananana- Oh

CarrotCards- want to go see what everyone else is doing?

GoEatABananana- Sure!

(No longer in convo)

Alice and Bella walked into the lounge room to see everyone in a massive fight (exept Carlisle and Esme ;))

"How about we back away slowly right about now?" murmured Alice

"Good Idea."

**Hi Guys **** My A/N is at the bottom because I'm cool like that **

**Anyway, thanks to those guys that reviewed, ILuvU like Emmett loves Rose (not as much as Jake LOL) **

**Anyways, heres my Disclaimer: I do not own an elephant named Twilight (but I own one named JoJo XD) **

**If you want to know, Go Eat A Banana, is my catchphrase, it basically means go die in a hole **

**LUA (Luv You All)**

**AMH**


	11. WWE?

**Hi guys **

**Because I feel bad about not publishing the Chrissie story last year, I'm doing another one this year, but this time it's different. This year, instead of just reviewing, I want you to send me a short description/ profile/ fanfic about a new vampire/ werewolf/ human that you would like to be in the story and introduced to the Cullen's or Werewolf pack. If there are any special relationships with any character please mention (eg. Imprintee). I will choose the character I find the most interesting and will incorporate them in my extra-special Christmas special **** Also, I am writing a new story (not up yet) as I have said before, and at the end I will post the short amount I have written, tell me if you like, or if I should ditch it before it sinks (don't worry about seeming mean).**

Alice and Bella walked into the lounge room to see everyone in a massive fight.

"How about we back away slowly right about now?" murmured Alice

"Good Idea."

BPOV

It was strange, normally, I would be fine to sit and watch the action unfold, laughing along with Alice, but that fight, it was to scary, too ..too...Disturbing.

Somehow, they had managed to set up the entire living room like a WWE arena, and Emmett and Rosalie were wearing wrestler costumes and from what I could tell, were about to attack. If this weren't disturbing enough, both of the costumes were women's leotards, and trust me, Emmett wasn't made to squeeze into a leotard several sizes too small. Apart from the main arena, Edward and Jasper were wrestling on the ground, yelling something about giggling.

Suddenly there was an almighty crash from the living room. Alice and I looked at each other and instantaneously she picked me up and ran me into the living room to look at the damage.

In the middle of the room was a huge pile of wreckage from the arena, and a huge crack going along the floor. Slowly (well slowly for vampires anyway) Rose and Emmett came out of the wreckage and Edward and Jaspers heads appeared through the crack in the floor.

"We are sooo dead"

"Yes you are" came the tones of Esme behind us.

**Lol I enjoy Cliffies **

**Anyway here is the start of my new story, as I said before, review and tell me what you think of it ;) **

**Elizabeth**

I grew up in a small town named Hailstone Ridge, a beautiful town near the beach. My house was a state of the art château, nestled in a forest near the edge of the cliff looking over the swirling ocean. It was a beautiful place. Yet I still had a troubled childhood.

With my mother dying when I was three, my father resorted to alcoholism, leaving me to raise myself. Through my early years, I had the ongoing support of my best-friend Bethany Gardener, a girl of my age, with soft brown hair and hazel eyes that crinkled at the corners when she smiled. I spent the majority of my time with her, as she was my only lifeline in the lonely world I lived in. We would make up silly games with each other, and it was her mother who taught me the cooking skills that later bought me the romance that lead to my son, Edward. Her father, Wendell Gardener, did not, however, approve of me. He knew my father from work, and based on what he saw of his alcoholic tendencies, classified me as a 'bad influence' for his daughter, so, on the eve of my twelfth birthday, the following played out.

Bethany and I were strolling around the community gardens, when she told me to come and sit on the bench with her. I did not suspect anything wrong, until she looked up and I saw tears in the eyes I knew so well. "What ever is the matter?" I asked.

"It's my father," she sniffled, reaching for her handkerchief.

"Why is he ill?" I had never particularly been found of Mr. Gardener, but as he was my best friends' father, it was not imprudent that I was slightly concerned.

"No," she said, sobbing.

"Then what?"

"He's been reposted with his job, we're moving in the morn'"


	12. AN, sorry to bore, but please read!

**Hi guys****,**

**Due to apparent lack of interest, this story will not be updated in a while as I will be working on my other fan fic. This doesn't mean I'm ditching it, expect a new chappie by the weekend**

**I have no entries so far for the competition, not sure if that's because no-one reads these A/N's or not, but get them coming in, no matter how long or short, as long as I get and idea of who the characters are.**

**If you have ideas, opinions, constructive criticism, flames (or competition entries, hint, hint)** **then follow the magic arrows and they will take you to the leader of submitting these things:**


	13. Fixing

**BPOV**

"We are sooo dead"

"Yes you are" came the tones of Esme behind us.

"Now, I don't want any explanations for this, alright, because it now appears we need a new lounge," We all looked guiltily towards the wrecked sofa "I'll give you until I get back to have this room fixed up!" And with that, she marched purposefully out of the room. We all stood there gawping at the spot where she once was, until the door slammed and we suddenly sprang into action. "Okay, Eddie-boy, you and me can carry this stuff outa here, Rose, Alice, Jazz-hands, you guys can fix the crack and Bells… you can sit on this crate and watch." Emmett dictated.

"Hey, no fair! Why don't I get to help?" I complained. I felt arms that I knew so well scoop me up and place me on the crate. "Because a) you had nothing to do with this and b) you are the fragile, clumsy human who will be crushed under the wreckage and most likely get stuck in crack." My angel said jokingly, placing a kiss on my lips before I could protest. And with that, he and Emmett took the first gigantous piece of wood and began carrying it out. "Cheese and whiskers, now we have to make a new arena this afternoon as well!" I heard Emmett say as the disappeared from view.

"Why do you have to make a new arena?" I asked. "Oh, that's just because Emmett uses them to play his demented little-kid games" replied Alice "Although they do come in handy for fights"

"Yes because that worked out so well today" replied Jasper sarcastically.

"Oh shut up Jazz! I wasn't even part of it, you were!"

"On the contrary my lovely wife, I wasn't technically part of it, and the fact that I fought with Edward was simply due to the fact that everyone in the room was feeling such hatred, I couldn't stop myself!"

"Well, I s'pose considering what happened last time you lost control of your emotions, I should be glad that's all you did!" Everyone began to crack up. "What? What happened last time?" I quizzed.

"Ah, young Bella, I believe 'tis the time to tell you the story of the llama suits!" Alice said, sitting next to me. Obediently, everyone sat on the ground around us. Sorry to put this in guys, but I need to tell you that I'm having a competition, please read A/N bellow.

And with that, she launched into story:

**Once again, sorry about slipping an A/N in there, but no-one ever seems to read these things, and I needed to let you know about this competition, seeing as it's been going for a while now and yet I've had no entries thus far. Basically, I need you to make up a character either Vamp, wolf or human, and tell me briefly what they look like, how the come to know the residents of forks, any special relationships (e.g. Imprintee) and anything else special about them. This can just be put into a review, and doesn't need to be long. The character I like best will be in my Christmas Special (so I need them soon to write it up) and other chapters later on. I will also be posting the names and descriptions of all your stories (with your permission) so that all my readers will be able to read your works. Thanks to my awesometastic reviewers, and sorry about the cliffy **

**LYAWHATTAU**** (Love You A Whole Heap All The Time And Usually****)**

**AMH.**


	14. Llama Suit Story!

"Ah, young Bella, I believe 'tis the time to tell you the story of the llama suits!" Alice said, sitting next to me. Obediently, everyone sat on the ground around us.

And with that, she launched into story:

"Well you see, at one stage we did go to Private Schools, because we fit in slightly more there, wearing designer clothes, going out camping all the time as well as moving a lot. But this was only a short time after me and Jazz had first come, so obviously in that day there were many more rules than there were today. Eventually, one year we decided we were going to muck up, and pull lots of practical jokes. SO we began playing this game with some kids at school that they invented called 'Watpeyder', basically, it's the same as truth or dare but with a few differences. There are two groups, and it starts just about the same as Truth or Dare. Someone asks truth or dare to a particular person on the opposing team, and even though you **could** choose either, it was an unspoken rule that everyone chose dare. And then, they had to dare this person's team to do something, let's say, proclaim their undying love for the next person they saw to the entire cafeteria. But, the person who was originally chosen gets a twist added to theirs. In the scenario from before, it could be that they have to proclaim their undying love for the most horrible teacher in the school, and then follow that teacher everywhere, watching their every move.

So basically, on this day a girl called Geranium choose Jasper, and obviously, he said Dare. The dare she gave the rest of us was to show up in Llama suits to school, each taking one day of the next week. And for Jazz; she told him his had to be pink with ribbons in it and he had to wear his on the last day of the week.

Well, it turned out to be more troublesome then it did at first. We of course accepted, because to decline would be chicken, and also the punishment for refusing a dare was we had to kiss the principal, and quite frankly, he needed to shave that moustache badly honey!" Alice did the weird finger-clicking thing

"Firstly, we had to find Llama suits, but because in those days they didn't make them, we had to order in Llama hair and make them ourselves, which didn't work out as indented. Somehow, everyone's was either too small or too big, so they all just looked totally ridiculous, not to mention Jaspers, which had taken some time with dye and my good hair ribbons!

On the first day, Emmett had volunteered, yet somehow he managed to wear my one all the way to school without noticing. Because he's so much bigger than me the Llama suit ripped, revealing parts of him no-one but Rosalie was ever meant to see (I am just grateful he remembered underwear that day). Obviously, he was called to the Principal, and was told not to wear anything like that again, as well as being punished for uniform infringements. The next day was Edwards turn; his was the closest to the right size, just a bit big around the feet. Once again, the Principal called him to his office and chewed him up,"

"It was then that I read his mind and discovered he was so touchy about the Llama suits because his name was Lleighton and all of his childhood he had been bullied about being a Llama." Interrupted Edward.

"Yes, thankyou Edward, now, as I was saying, the next day was my go. Because Emmett had ruined mine, I had to wear his, and I can tell you now, that was the worst fashion crime I have ever taken part in! Now that we all knew about the Principals secret, we decided to go for some more subtlety. So I wore my school uniform over the top, and used my remaining hair accessories and some make-up to try and disguise myself. But despite how good I looked in the end **(Alice is always so modest, eh?) **it wasn't enough to disguise my Llama suit, and I too got called to the Principals office. He ranted at me for ages, about school pride and shtuff **(that's stuff + ****) **and finished by saying that if another Cullen wore a Llama suit, we would all be in for punishment. Then it was Thursday, and Roses turn. Once again, everyone did their best to disguise her Llama-ishness with make-up, clothes, socks, wigs, hair accessories, gloves, paint, fake fingernails and jewellery, despite the schools policy against most of these things. We were almost in the clear, until Rose was called up to the Principals office, not for wearing a Llama suit, but for dressing 'provocatively' where the principal saw through the disguise. We were then all called up, and the Principal once again launched into the same speech, ending by telling us that we were all suspended."

"This was of course horrible, because I was yet to do mine," Jasper took over "And if I didn't, we would fail the dare. He was a pushover though, all I had to do was take him into his office, talk to him and mess with his emotions and I could go to school the next day. We had figured by then that no amount of make-up could disguise me and my pinkness, so we decided to go, _upfront,_ about it I suppose you could say. I came to school the next day in my fully-decorated Llama suit, riding Emmett's jeep that was temporarily pink with the words 'Lleighton is a Llama' printed across it hooting party favour horns and waving streamers. It was all of two seconds before I was snapped up and Carlisle had been rung and told to bring the others. Amazingly, our principal turned out to be a cross-dresser, and took extreme offence at my display so, obviously we were expelled, and as a punishment from Carlisle and Esme, we were never allowed to go to a private school again."

"And that's the story of the Llama suits" finished Alice. "Although, since then we have found many other occasions for them, which is why we got you this!" And from what seemed like thin air, she pulled out a perfectly tailored Llama suit.

**Hi Guys**

**Sorry if that didn't live up to your expectations of the Llama-suit story (if not please tell me what about it sucked so I can improve it) but they will crop up again. Thanks to you guys who have already entered the comp, you guys are AWESOME! And those of you who didn't there's still time, and I have decided on anther secret prize you will get**** Tell me any ideas for stories you have and I will update as quickly as possible. I know there's lots of stereotypical stuff left to do in a story that hasn't been done yet, but I'm avoiding that unless I get serious writers-block. So give me your ideas so my story can remain as fresh as possible and the best for your enjoyment!!!!**

**ILY**

**(GIRLADI?) Try and figure that out! **

**AMH XD**


	15. Fishpoop and buttholes

**Hello Fellow Human Beings! (Or Vampires, Werewolves, whatever floats your boat ; D)**

**This is just a quick conversation me and one of my friends have. Review and tell me if you mind having short chappies like this, and I'll post more**

**BPOV**

Our school was going on an excursion to the historical museum and me and Emmett were walking to the bus when we walked past a classroom that smelt like fish.

"Oh eeewww! That smells like fish-poop!" Emmett exclaimed.

"You've smelt fish-poop?" I asked

"No actually, I've never even seen fish-poop before… Bella _do_ fish poop?"

"Yeah. It's long and thin, and sort of a transcalent brown…why are we discussing fish faeces anyway?"

"Cuz we're cool like that?"

"Oh"

* * *

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Do leaves poop?"

"No."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because they don't have butt-holes?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I mean, I think someone would have noticed by now if they did."

"Oh… But birds have ears and we can't see them, yet they can still hear, so why can't leaves have butt-holes that we can't see but still enable them to poop?"

"Because people study leaves under micro scopes, and dissect them and stuff, I think they would have noticed butt-holes even if they are microscopic"

"But I dissected a leaf with my scissors!"

"Did it have a butt-hole?"

"Yes!"


	16. Cows and ELectric Fences

**Okay, once again, a conversation me and my friend had (we have disturbing conversations, don't we?) but this one is longer, and I had to put it in because it was sooo hilarious!**

Bella is having a sleepover at the Cullen's with Alice while everyone else is away hunting for the weekend.

Bella was trying to persuade Alice to go out with this disgusting guy as a joke for a week (no offence to A+J, I luv them too!) and was starting to get up Alices nose.

"If you don't shut up, I'll take all your clothes off and throw you out the window!"

"Well, I'll just come back inside silly!"

"No you won't, because I'll have set up an electric fence around the entire house"

"How are you intending of throwing me out of the window, getting an electric fence and setting it up all before I can come back inside?"

"I'm a vampire, der!"

"Well then I'll just get Edward to change me so I can use my new-born speed and beat you!"

"Look, even if Eddie-boy _was_ here and willing to change you, it would still take three-days for you to change!"

"In that case, I'll let you set up the electric fence then I'll grab some cows, pile them up and climb over it."

"No you won't"

"Why not?"

"Because the electric fence will be dome-shaped"

"In that case, I'll force the cows to dig a tunnel underneath the house and I'll come in through that"

"You won't do that, either"

"Why not?"

"Because the electric fence will go underneath the house as well!"

"Then I'll throw the cows at the electric fence until it breaks"

"Nuh-uh, it's a double strength, extra fortified cow-proof electric fence!"

"Then I'll go next door and ask if I can use their phone to call my Dad and get him to pick me up!"

"But they won't let you because you're naked, remember?"

"Oh, right, well, then I'll get one of the cows to ask!"

"Trust me, it won't work"

"Why not?"

"Because it's a cow"

"Oh…"

"There you are I win!"

"No way!"

"Well then what are you going to do to stop me?"

"I'll throw a cow at the electric fence and then lure you out with the steak!"

"That would work if I ate steak" **(my friend in real life was vegetarian)**

"Then I'll lure you out with the blood!" **(This was originally with some carrots)**

"Well, my electric fence will be Alice-proof, so I can't be lured out!"

"Then you'll never get out to hunt or anything!"

"Oh ****, well… I'll let some of your cows in and eat them!"

"What if I dress up as a cow? I could be the legendary Trojan-cow!"

"I'd smell you, take off all your clothes and throw you out the window then!"

"Well, I'll just come back inside silly!"

"Not this again!"

"Okey-dokey Hokey-Pokey, I'll just go over to Jakes!"

"But remember, you're naked!"

"I'm sure Jake will be more than happy to take me in naked!"

"Oh eeewww! Bad mental image! Anyway, you wouldn't do that to Edward, he'll go back to the Volturi!" **(Obviously the last part of that didn't happen)**

"Exactly! You wouldn't be able to let him do that, so the only option would be to let me back in the house!"

"No, I could murder the mutt!"

"You wouldn't! If you did it would be breaking the treaty!"

"Damn the treaty!"

"So will you let me stay?"

"For now…"

"Good, that means I win! Now… Just go out with him for a week!"

* * *

"Alice? Alice!?! Oh god no! Alice, I thought we went thought this!!!"

_Alice tickles Bella until she nearly wets her pants _**(yes my friend does this to me! And if you're reading this u-no-who, stop it! It's annoying!)**

**So what did you think? Disturbing, right? Please review, and remember! Enter the competition, I'm not asking for a thousand-word essay, all you have to do is press the magical green button mentioned earlier, and type in a few quick sentences!!!!!**

**Anyways**

**LYL (Love You Lots)**

**AMH**

**p.s if you figured out the thing in brackets after chapter 14, review and tell me, and I will give you a standing ovation in the next chapter! (even if you're wrong, just for having a go)**


	17. Flying!

**Hi Guys,**

**I've had a request to bring back the 'Jake-Dude', so this is a bit of a short-lead up story so that I can get Bella back home**

EmPOV

Dear Diary,

I was bored bored bored! Almost as bored as that day I went to pick a fight with the grizzly (but not quite). Ah memories, that immense boredom was what led me to my perfect Rose. Gee, I wonder if she's in the mood for…

"Don't you even start thinking a bout Rosalie like that! Eddie-poo yelled from across the room where he was busy playing Bella's lullaby for her.

Life was more fun now that Bella was trapped here by the flooding; I got to torment her AND Edward. Why just the other night as soon as Edward left her bedside for a millisecond, I dragged her bed (complete with her sleeping in it) onto the veranda, away from the floods, but still in the rain, so she got really soaked and freaked out man! Although, I'll admit it wasn't really worth Edward cutting my arm off and locking it in the kitchen cupboard… the tomatoes have probably eaten it by now.

That thought reminded me of why I was so BORED. It was still raining. I was all like, I swear, that flood is going to get so high it's gonna go over the roof!

OME! What if it does? We will all die! I must learn to fly so I can take my love to Alaska away from these dangerous waters!

And with that, I ran towards the roof, just barely hearing Edward shout "Everyone, Emmett's gonna do something stupid again!"

Almost as soon as I was on the roof, prepared for take-off, my whole family appeared.

"Emmett, you're a _vampire_ how do you ever intend to fly?" asked Rose

"Well, m'dear, it's quite simple really, all you've got to do is flap and jump like a bird and then you'll be flying!"

"Two problems. One, you have no wings or aerodynamics, and two, YOU'RE OFF YOUR NUT, IT WILL NEVER WORK!"

"Well, on the contrary, even with those two problems, flying will still be eashy!"

"O really? Then how do you intend to fly with your disabilities?"

"Simple, all I gotta do is throw myself at the ground and miss!"

And with that, I jumped off the roof and flapped my remaining arm as hard as I could, yet I still landed on the damp ground with a thud that would've killed any human jumping off after me.

"Hey Bells, good news! You can go home now!" I yelled back up towards the roof.

**XD that was fun to write. The whole chappie originated from a saying me and my friends have: Flying is easy, all you have to do is throw yourself at the ground and miss**

**So look out for the next chapter, it will be bringing the Jake-dude back! (Yeww!)**

**Also, I read a really good fan-fic which I believe totally encaptures everything that Twilight is supposed to be, with two characters whose relationship we never got to see develop. It's called 16 Years With Claire, and I've got the link here please check it out: **

**.net/s/5389889/1/16_Years_With_Claire****.**

**ILYT (figure that one out!)**

**And once again ILADI? (Figure that one out as well)**

**AMH**

**p.s if you think you've got one or both of those figured out, review and tell me for a standing ovation!**

**p.p.s. I've decided that this is now a game I will play with you 'Guess the acronym!' **


	18. Paedophilia much?

**Hi Peoples/Vamps/Shape shifters **

**So, Bella is now home**** Thanks for the reviews + Competition entries**

**If you want to enter the comp, better do it soon, or it'll be too late! Also a standing ovation for bookworminpeace (clap clap cheer yay!) who tried to guess ILYT from the previous chappy. She said I Love You Too. The actual answer was I Love You Totally, but she still gets the ovation for trying**** I still have no guesses for ILADI?, so it's not too late to guess! (Hint: the ? on the means that the acronym is a question)**

**R&E&R**

**Disclaimer (****coz' I've been forgetting): I do not own Twilight. Only Tom Cruise, Suri and Elton John. **

_**Bella is on her home computer, Edward is in his room, Rosalie and Alice are hunting in Italy and are on their laptops, and Emmett and Jasper are in a hole in the backyard.**_

**Pen-names are the same as before.**

**GoEatABananana**** has logged on.**

**CarrotCards**** has logged on **

GoEatABananana: Hey Al!

CarrotCards: Hey Bella!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GoEatABananana: Exclamation much?

CarrotCards: Hey!!! Leave the exclamations alone! It's not their fault they're Tom

Cruise!

GoEatABananana: They're WHAT?

CarrotCards: Tom Cruise of course. Don't you remember?

GoEatABananana: No…

CarrotCards: Oh, right, you were asleep…

GoEatABananana: Yes, because that's what I do.

CarrotCards: Well, basically we decided that exclamation marks are Tom Cruise, and full stops are Suri, but Tom is cross with Suri, because Suri is going out with Elton John the question mark and Tom doesn't like him.

GoEatABananana: Isn't Elton John like a billion years older than Suri? Paedophilia much?

CarrotCards: You have NO imagination! Anyway, aren't we forgetting here that Edwards 109?

GoEatABananana: Leaving…

**GoEatABananana ****has logged off**

CarrotCards: No Wait! I haven't introduced you to Julius Caesar!

**CarrotCards ****has logged off**

**Okey-Dokey, no Jake-dude yet, I was going to have him in this chappie, but because I'm vindictive and decided to do this, it will be the next chappie**

**If you are weird like me and want to know, me and my friend came up with Tom Cruise, Suri and Elton John, as well as Julius Caesar, who is a demented stickfigure she drew. I have spent all afternoon on a X-Mas Prezzie for my BFF, but I can't tell you what it is because she may be reading.**

**Just another small competition for my Christmas story,**

**What Present would be Da Bomb?**

**Review and tell me what you think, and also if you think you have MADE someone the awesomest gift ever, to rival all others, tell me that too and I'll put it in**

**TFBA (Once again, standing ovation for anyone who can decrypt this)**

**AMH**

**This is an awesome riddle I found **

**A man goes out drinking every night, returning to his home in the wee hours of every morning. No matter how much he drinks, he never gets a hangover. This drink is very well known, but is rarely consumed, served warm and taken straight from its source. The man is a sucker for a free drink, especially since he can't live without it.  
What is his favorite drink?**

**Blood, He's a vampire**


	19. Don't Diss the JakeDude 2

**Those are for all you awesome people who have reviewed or sent me competition entries!**

**You guys are AWESOME!**

**Also, they standing ovation of today goes to ****Allyoop () who guessed TFBA was Totally Freakin Banana Ants. Obviously it was way out there, but I loved it! If you want a standing ovation, just try and guess the acronyms I put at the bottom are**

**Bella is on her home computer**

**Alice and Jasper are in New York shopping using their laptops**

**Edward is using the main computer in the Cullen living-room**

**Rosalie is in her bedroom using her and Emmett's computer**

**Emmett is??????**

**Pennames the same as other chapter (because I'm lazy and can't be stuffed putting them here, go look for yourself!)**

_**Bella and Alice have been on for the past hour continuing the conversation from the previous chappy.**_

GoEatABananana: I still say it's not paedophilia if he's my physical age

CarrotCards: Yeah, but he was born CENTURIES ago!

GoEatABananana: Maybe, but really, he's just a seventeen year-old stuck in time **( At least I'm pretty sure he's physically 17, tell me if I'm wrong so I can change it)**

CarrotCards: Well doesn't that make you a paedophile?

GoEatABananana: No!-

**PurplePenandJacob has logged on**

PurplePenandJacob: HIDE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CarrotCards: Why?

PurplePenandJacob: Rose is after me!

GoEatABananana: What did you do this time?

PurplePenandJacob: Nothing, I just suggested we go on IM, and suddenly she remembered my undying love for Jacob, and is now trying to kill me!!!!!

**StupidEmmett has logged on**

StupidEmmett: Alright, where is that no-good lump of idiot?

GoEatABananana: Hiding in a giant hole he dug in the back yard with his laptop.

StupidEmmett: Oh….

StupidEmmett: Why?

GoEatABananana: God knows

StupidEmmett: Meh, I s'pose it doesn't matter seeing as I'm going to destroy him anyway…

CarrotCards: Wait! Don't log off yet, I've just had a vision, and Emmett is going to explain everything!!!! I'm going to get everyone on, Bells; can you get the wolf pack on?

GoEatABananana: Sure! (Virtual high-five)

CarrotCards: Bella…..

GoEatABananana: What?

CarrotCards: no

* * *

**Wolf-pack pen-names (note that not the whole wolf-pack is on, just the ones required for my story)**

**Jacob- SHADOOMPH!**

**Seth- :O**

**Embry- embry**

**Sam- EnterYourUsernameHere**

**(Obviously all the wolf pack and all the Cullen's are on)**

EnterYourUsernameHere: Okay then, now why are we all on here?

CarrotCards: Well, Emmett is going to give s an explanation that everyone needs to hear. Especially Jake and Embry.

PurplePenandJacob: Dude, what's up with the username?

EnterYourUsernameHere: Well, I couldn't figure out how to put in a username, so I just pressed the enter key, and now I can't change it. And I think I need to ask you the same question about YOUR username.

PurplePenandJacob: Ah, about that, well, you see…

StupidEmmett: He's in love with Jake!!!!!

SHADOOMPH!: No! Way!

PurplePenandJacob: Okay, I admit it's true!!!! I Love Jake!!!!!

embry: Lay your filthy vampire hands off! Jake is MINE!!!!!!

:O : OO I'm in a pack of crazy people!!!!

O

Emmett's beloved _Jacob?_: Took your time figuring that one out!!!!

SHADOOMPH!: Eek! I'm in a gay love-triangle! Dudes, it's too late, okay, I'm already in a love-triangle with Bella and Edward, okay?

embry: God Jake, don't worry, we're not talking about you, we're talking about Jake!

QWERTY: Who is Jake if Jake isn't Jake?

PurplePenandJacob: Oh no, Jake IS Jake, but right now we're on the topic of the other Jake.

EnterYourUsernameHere: What other Jake?

Embry: You know, the Jake I imprinted on!

EnterYourUsernameHere: This is where I leave…

**EnterYourUsernameHere has logged off**

GoEatABananana: So, you mean to say that you imprinted on a pink poodle, who can dance named JAKE?!?!?!?!

StupidEmmett: And that Emmett is in love with?

embry/PurplePenandJacob: Yup!

QWERTY: creepy togetherness there guys

Emmett's beloved _Jacob?_: So, you're both in love with a pink poodle named Jake that can sing?

**JAKE has logged on.**

JAKE : Woof!

Emmett's beloved _Jacob?_: And type.


End file.
